


Hold Me

by GoingPlaces



Series: Crimson and Clover [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, M/M, Making Up, Mentions of Other Voltron Characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 10:11:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15883938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoingPlaces/pseuds/GoingPlaces
Summary: Keith can't sleep after his fight with Lotor





	Hold Me

The bright red numbers on the alarm clock stare angrily at Keith as he attempts to get comfortable for the fiftieth time that night. He turns over and glares back at the clock, the numbers reading 2:44 am. Groaning, he sits up, frustrated at the thought of another sleepless night, except this time it isn’t because of some complicated study guide for an even more complicated exam. Instead, it’s the cold glare of glacial blue eyes that keep him from getting at least a millisecond of restful sleep. Keith sits up, grabs his phone from where it rests on the nightstand, and presses the home button in the hopes of seeing a missed call or text from  _ him _ . He knows his hopes are misguided as he probably would have noticed if his phone had gone off sometime in the hours of tossing and turning.

 

Not a single notification shows from any of his applications. The sight causes his heart to drop into his stomach and he feels a familiar wetness in the corners of his eyes. He furiously wipes it away before opening up a new text, not even really sure what he should say or how to say it. His first instinct of course is to send out a big ole’ ‘fuck you’ and leave it at that, just to make himself feel a little better. Keith is still replaying the scene over and over in his mind; screaming at Lotor, begging him to explain himself, slapping him. The whole situation had been so fucked up but the rational part of Keith knows that Lotor had to have had a reason for ending things between them.

 

He starts to type into the text box, carefully choosing each word so that he can get everything he needs across. Lotor may not even see the message till morning but at least Keith will have reached out. He just hopes Lotor will reach back.

 

_ I can't sleep. I shouldn't even be texting you but you're the only person on my mind. All I want is answers. You owe them to me. _

 

Keith rereads the message over at least three times before just biting the bullet and pressing send. The time on his alarm clock now reads 3:07 a.m. as his phone screen dims. He sighs. What was he thinking? He knows that he won’t be able to sleep until he knows Lotor at least looks at the message.

 

To his surprise, the phone lights up only moments later, the notification indicating a new message from Lotor. Keith feels his heart rate spike as he clumsily unlocks his screen and opens the text.

 

**Lotor:**

_ You're right. I do owe you. I'd like to apologize in person but only if you're comfortable with that. _

 

The message takes him aback. Honestly, Keith didn't think he would get this far and now he isn't sure what he wants. Lotor is giving him all of the control, something that Keith is used to. Something that he is comfortable with. His head tells him that he should offer a time and place to meet in the morning. His heart on the other hand, persuades him that he will never be able to sleep until he has the answers he so desperately wants. So, Keith responds with his terms.

 

**Me:**

_ Come over. Now. _

 

His screen does not even have a chance to dim when Lotor messages back.

 

**Lotor:**

_ On my way. _

 

Butterflies begin to flutter in Keith's stomach and he locks his phone screen before he gets a chance to overthink. Instead, he forces himself to do something else. He stands and walks out into the hall towards the bathroom he and Shiro share. When he flips on the light, his eyes water a bit from the assaulting beams. He blinks away the discomfort and picks up a brush to start detangling his hair, mussed up from tossing and turning so much throughout the night. There is a slight bit of grease starting to form at his roots but he doesn't have time or the energy to worry about it now. He starts to pull his hair back and ties it up into a short ponytail, hiding the minor flaw, before turning out the light and exiting the bathroom.

 

Keith checks Shiro’s room before returning to his own, ensuring that his roommate has gone over to his boyfriend's apartment for the night. He takes comfort in the thought that he and Lotor will have a little privacy for their conversation though the butterflies perk up at the thought of them being alone together. Keith tries to push  _ those _ thoughts away so that he can choose a decent shirt to wear along with his sweatpants. He can look good at least, right? His mind starts to border on wandering into unsafe territory again as he subconsciously picks a used shirt from the hamper and throws it over his head. Keith gives himself a once over in his bedroom mirror before noticing that the shirt is one of Lotor’s favorites on him; a simple, plain black v-neck that shows off his collarbone. For a brief moment, he wonders if he should put on something else before he hears a hard knock on the front door of the apartment.

 

His heart stops at the sound. In distracting himself, Keith had forgotten why he was making himself presentable in the first place. Suddenly, he feels incredibly nervous.

 

As he reaches the entrance, he reminds himself to breathe before cautiously opening the door.

 

Standing in the threshold is an equally anxious Lotor, twiddling with an expensive looking gold band that rests on his pointer finger. A lavender sweater- the one Keith found to be irresistibly soft -hugs his torso and fitted black jeans effortlessly shape his strong legs. Lotor’s hair is loose, wavy and tousled from being tied back in a braid all day. He looks breathtaking despite his nerves and all Keith wants is to pull him inside and refuse to let him out until he's finished with him.

 

Lotor looks at him with those crystalline eyes, stained red either from crying or irritation, Keith can't tell. “Hi,” he says in a small voice, void of any confidence or sly remarks. It's a voice Keith never imagined hearing from Lotor’s lips.

 

“Hey,” Keith responds. “You sh- Do you wanna come inside?”

 

Lotor nods and is allowed through the doorway but he makes no move to walk any further into the room. Keith almost laughs at him, remembering how Lotor was none too shy about the both of them pushing their way through the apartment just a few weeks ago. Instead, he gestures for his guest to take a seat on the tattered old couch that remains the centerpiece in his and Shiro’s small front room. Robotic in his movements, Lotor makes his way over to the couch and sits rather uncomfortably with his back straight as a rail and his eyes staring unblinkingly at the floor. Keith follows similarly yet clumsy as he sits himself a foot away from Lotor, though it might as well be miles between them.

 

The air between them turns stale as they both silently wait for the other to make the first move. Now that Lotor is actually here, Keith hardly knows where to begin. He's still searching for the right words when Lotor finally breaks the silence.

 

“Did I ever tell you about when I came out to my parents?” he asks, sounding too much like he's forcing the words out of his mouth. Keith looks at him, not quite expecting the conversation to begin like that.

 

“No,” he says, treading lightly. “I don't think you have.”

 

Lotor stares directly ahead, seeming too afraid  to look at anything other than the off-white paint staining the wall in front of him. “It was just before my second year of high school when I decided to tell them. I figured they were going to find out anyway since I'm not a subtle person by any means. We were having dinner, not talking about anything important, and I just blurted it out. You know what they did?” It’s a rhetorical question but Keith shakes his head anyway. “They ignored it, brushed it off like I had told them it was raining outside. My father started talking about some corporate event that was to be thrown that upcoming weekend while my mother poured herself another glass of wine. I guess I don't know what I expected but I didn't think that they would collectively choose to ignore such an important part of my life.”

 

Keith is unsure of what to say. He can't imagine his parents ignoring any part of his life. When he had come out to them, they assured him that he would always have their love and support. They had always been those kind of people, the ones who love unconditionally. But Lotor’s… How could anyone just ignore their child's happiness instead of prioritizing it? Keith will never be able to understand that.

 

“So I decided that I was going to throw it in their faces any chance I got. If they were going to ignore my sexual preferences then I was going to force them to acknowledge me. I was constantly bringing some guy home or dressing eccentrically or leaving out crude magazines. Anything as long as my parents had to see it and know that I wasn't going to be disregarded, even if it meant I would be severely punished for it.

 

“Then the summer I turned seventeen, Father decided that I should gain some experience in the business field if I was to replace him when the time came. I began interning under one of his supervisors, mostly doing grunt work. That was when I met Throk; he was another intern when I began there. He was young, cocky, devilishly handsome, and just my type. We flirted here and there, stared at each other when we thought the other wasn't looking, exchanged lingering touches when we could. We started to see each other in secret; he was my first…”

 

For moment, Lotor seems so far away, stuck in a memory that haunts him to his core. Unsure of what to do, Keith places his hand on Lotor's and gives a gentle squeeze. This seems to break Lotor out of his trance and finally he looks away from the wall and focuses his attention on their hands. He squeezes back before looking up to meet Keith's eyes.

 

“He told me he loved me and I believed him. I thought I'd finally found someone I didn't want to force my parents to see but someone I could bring home and proudly say was my boyfriend. After a while, Throk grew distant. He only called when he wanted sex and I was too young and too dumb to realize he was only using me to get closer to my father. Luckily for me, he was too dense to realize how strained our relationship was and, eventually, he quit calling. He was transferred to a different department and I didn't really see him much after that.”

 

“God, Lotor,” Keith says. “I'm sorry.”

 

Lotor shakes his head. “I'm the one who owes you an apology. I've been fucked up for a long time over what Throk did to me and I've let it screw up a lot of my relationships. I'm starting to see that now and I'm going to work on it. I'm sorry for everything I said and I'm sorry for hurting you. You didn't deserve any of it.”

 

This is the most honest conversation Keith has ever had with Lotor and it causes his heart to jump into his throat. He swallows heavily before saying, “I forgive you.”

 

Looking down at their hands, Lotor shakes his head in disbelief. “I'm not sure I understand why… I still haven't forgiven myself.”

 

Keith sighs, scooting closer to Lotor before placing his free hand on Lotor's cheek. “I'm not saying that what you said or did was okay, just the opposite in fact,” he says firmly while looking into Lotor's eyes. “But I have my issues too and I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did. So I'm sorry, too, for raising my voice and for smacking you. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I understand why you did what you did. I'm forgiving you because I want to work on our issues together so maybe we can function like normal fucking people for once.”

 

Lotor chuckles at the the phrasing. “So you're saying that ‘together’ is still a possibility for us?”

 

“Yeah,” Keith affirms, smiling. “I guess I kinda like you.” He leans in and brushes lips against Lotor's. To Keith's surprise, he actually kisses back, the slight pressure enough to make him relax into Lotor's awaiting arms. When he pulls away, he can see that the tension in Lotor's shoulders has left him completely and there is a hint of a smirk on his lips. “What?”

 

“You only ‘kinda’ like me?” Lotor responds, his tone partly genuine, partly teasing. It's enough to cause Keith to blush.

 

Suddenly, the weight of that question has shifted something in the pit of Keith's stomach. Butterflies begin to flutter inside of him once more as he moves to straddle Lotor's lap and wraps his arms around his neck. Lotor holds his hips and stares up into Keith's eyes, waiting patiently for him to make the first move. “Maybe a little more than ‘kinda’...,” Keith whisperers, staring intently at Lotor's lips before leaning in once more.

 

It's the closest Keith has ever been to actually saying ‘I love you’ to someone, still it holds the same weight. Throughout most of his life, he's been so closed off to people outside of his family. The only other person who has ever really been able to get past his walls had been Shiro and even that took some time. The fact of the matter is that Shiro was only able to get through to Keith because he  _ wanted _ to. And now with Lotor… well Lotor had been so unexpected. Keith had figured that with time Lotor would move on to someone better, someone more open to the world than he is. Yet, the more Keith is with him, he realizes that he an Lotor are perfectly matched; they are both headstrong, instinctive, and stubborn as hell. But Lotor can be endearing and warm and soft, just as he is with Keith now as their lips join together.

 

A contented sigh escapes Lotor's mouth when their lips meet, relief flowing through his body as he kisses back with renewed confidence. Keith opens his mouth to breathe it in along with Lotor's tongue. Heat coils in Keith's stomach at the feeling as he pushes his body closer to Lotor's, needing to feel more of him. He has to pull away however when a loud yawn rips it's way through his throat. Lotor chuckles while trailing lazy kisses along Keith's neck. “Tired?” he asks, amused.

 

“Shut up, it's almost four in the morning and I haven't slept all night,” Keith reprimands him.

 

Lotor winces. “Sorry… I know that's my fault…”

 

Keith shakes his head and runs his fingers gently through Lotor's hair. “Enough apologizing tonight,” he pauses to give Lotor another quick peck, “Just come hold me till I fall asleep, okay?”

 

Lotor grins and tightens his grip on Keith before standing up from the couch. Keith holds onto his torso tightly as Lotor escorts him to the bedroom. Once there, he lets Keith down on the mattress and allows him to get situated within the covers before joining him there. They maneuver themselves so that Lotor lays on his back with Keith snuggling securely into his side. The feeling of Lotor's warm body against his is a comfort that he's been missing. Keith wonders if this is how feeling at home with someone is like. For so long, he's felt so alone that being with Lotor makes the world around him slip away. He knows that they have a long way to go, and a lot of issues to work through, but tonight only confirms for him that Lotor is the one he wants by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this took a while to update but here you go!
> 
> Please feel free to leave feedback or come visit me on [tumblr](http://baileyboy001.tumblr.com/)!


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